A Warrior of Light...

...knows an old saying: "If regrets could kill..."

And he knows that regrets can kill; they slowly eat away at the soul of someone who has done something wrong and they lead eventually to self-destruction.

The warrior does not want to die like that. When he acts perversely or maliciously - because he is a man of many faults - he is never too ashamed to ask for forgiveness.

If possible, he does his best to repair the wrong he has done. If the injured party is dead, then he does some good turn to a stranger and offers up that deed to the soul that he wounded.

A warrior of light has no regrets, because regrets can kill. He humbles himself and undoes the wrong he has done.

Paulo Coelho

Lust, Caution

Warning: Spoilers Ahead

Shanghai 1942

She was just a student, dabbling in theatre and freedom-fighting.

She hardly knew what she was doing but it was this very innocence that kept her safe.

He was one of those most vilest of beings. A collaborator. Getting rich and fat off the blood of his country-men. He seemed to do it not so much because he was trying to survive those dark times but more because he seemed to actually enjoy it. Enjoy the interrogation and the torture. Enjoy the fear in other people's eyes

She never really knew what he saw in her. She was unschooled in the ways of the world and had to be "broken-in" by her fellow freedom fighter.

But he saw something. Her innocence perhaps. The truth perhaps. The truth about himself.

It was war for them both. From the very first he tried to conquer her. With force. With mind-games. With gifts. But it was she that conquered him. With songs and stories. With nothing very much at all.

Finally he appeared to admit defeat.

He took her to the jeweller's. Her ring was ready. Her fellow freedom-fighters were hidden and waiting to asassinate him.

The ring was a perfect fit. She moved to remove it and put it back in its case.

-Leave it on. You will be safe with me. You will always be safe with me

She turned to look at him. He smiled at her. Calm, loving, finally fulfilled, finally peaceful. Her voice was a whisper, cracked. He leant forward to hear her, puzzled now.

- Go Now

Louder this time but still barely able to force out the words.

Understanding dawned. He ran for his life.

They brought him the ring later and told him of the cell of freedom fighters they had unearthed. She had been marked earlier and his loyalty questioned by his association with her. But he was in the clear now and the entire "theatre troupe" captured. Under torture their stories were uncovered and matched.

- What were his commands?.

He signed the execution sheet. Protecting himself. Protecting the vile life he was leading. Protecting the wife he cared about and respected but did not seem to love. Choosing the big house, the big car and the respect of his fellow collaborators and Japanese overlords.

She knelt with her friends. They were in the South Quarry. Their bodies would fall into the chasm before them. No need for burials. No need for questions. Her friends bloodied and torn, stared at her accusingly. She had not taken the cyanide capsule she had been provided with. She had chosen to suffer with them. She had chosen to die with them.

What were her last thoughts as the bullet lodged into the back of her neck? Why did she do it? She had always been honest with him - always told him how much she hated him. He had appreciated it. No one else dared to tell him the truth.

He had always loved her more than she could ever love him. He had always said he would keep her safe.

And yet she had sacrificed everything she had and loved, family, country, friends, life itself to keep him safe.

Nitin : I tell you women are idiots. She lost her brains because he gave her a RING!

I started to protest but then stopped and shut my mouth and joined in the laughter as Nitin continued raving about women and jewellery.

It wasn't the ring per se I wanted to say. It was what it signified. Love, acceptance, care, concern. A woman would forsake everything for that and be proud of doing so.

More fools we are

Stronger Than Desire

It is said that nowadays Desire rarely takes a human lover. For Desire, who is male and female, fair and dark, old and young, anything and everything you have ever wished for, or coveted, or needed, is irresistible. And so what would be the point, after all? Love is not a game to Desire, as it is to so many mortals, or if it is, it is a game with a foregone conclusion: Desire always wins. And Desire hates more than anything to be bored.

"Who are you?" Raimon said.
"I am not what you think."
"No. No, that is quite clear. You are no mortal, I see that now. Who are you?"
Desire laughed. "I am the most powerful being, man or woman, that you will ever meet. I am the most important thing in the world."
"You are no God," Raimon said. "And God is the most important thing in the world."
"I am even stronger than your God. I am one of the Endless. I am Desire."

"I have won the wager," Raimon said. "Love is stronger than desire."
But Desire shook her head. "They are the same thing," she said.

Forty years after he met Desire in the forest Raimon lay dying. His vassals gathered around the bed he once shared with Desire, "He should have married and had children," one of them said softly. "They say now that the castle and lands will go to a son of Count Bertran."
"No," Raimon said weakly.
His men looked at him in surprise; they had not thought that he could hear them, or that he was alert enough to speak. "What is it, my lord?"
"I could not have married. I stayed faithful to her all my life, even if she was not faithful to me.

Love is the strongest thing in the world. You see," he said, closing his eye, "I won the wager."

Excerpts from A Story by John M Ford

Rooftop Reminisces

"Life is a series of rooftop moments"

Saad did his infamous quizzical eyebrow raise and went off to join Peter and Nitin, wisely deciding that I was better left to ruminate alone.

We were all on the rooftop of Nitin's condominium. It was 32 floors high and then some. It looked out on East Coast beach. The sea was calm that night (the sea is generally calm in Singapore anyway) and the ships blinked cheerily. The lights of the highway stretched out in front of me, reaching out towards the city. But all of us had eschewed a night on the town for a rooftop nicely stocked with good company, good conversation, alcohol, snacks and cigarettes.

As the halfmoon hung sickly in the sky and lightning flashed on my left, far into the sea - I thought of that other rooftop moment. It was 13 years ago and the sea crashed and raged, while the moon was low and beautiful in the sky. We were by the southern-most tip of India where three oceans converged - quite unhappily it seemed. The 3 of us seemed to echo the turbulence of the waves, although we sat together talking quietly and calmly.

We had come together again briefly in a moment of crisis but the last 13 years had taken its toll. We were different people now, life had scarred us - perhaps irredeemably. We would never have that moment on the rooftop again. Though we all had aching hearts - we grew to care for each other that night. Was it all over now? I clung to the memory of that night- of the waves and the moon and the quiet conversation. Perhaps that memory was all I had- all I would ever have from now on.

I leapt ahead a decade or so. Sitting on the roof of Raffles Hall Block 5. Drinking beer and spouting silly poetry. Good times. Great times. Also nothing but memories.

Lightning flashed in the south again and I shook off the cloud of the past - I was never very good at guilt or regret. After all, how could I regret the things I had enjoyed or feel guilty about the people I had loved?

And so I turned around and joined the guys in creating another rooftop moment.

Stardust

The Snowdrop Costs A Kiss

October 27, the eve of Adam's birthday found us partaking of a hearty Kenny Rogers meal at Marina.

Apart from "eye-brow raising" competitions, Adam and Saad kept us in stitches all throughout dinner. Adam with his renditions of his favourite movie of the year, Shoot Em Up - "And then Clive Owen shoves the carrot in the guy's mouth and it comes out on the other side and Clive Owen says - always finish your vegetables!"

Saad was his usual corny self -
Adam rubbing butter on his corn
Saad: Now you have to say something corny
Saad (again) : Ooops I beat you to it.

Saad (living life dangerously as he was having dinner with 4 lawyers) : What is the most painful kind of lawyer?
4 Lawyers: [gaze at him blankly]
Saad: A lawyer who is also a dentist!
Sunita: That sounds vaguely familiar
Saad: It is a work in progress
Adam: Needs quite a bit of work there.

Adeline and I caught up. Ms. Deputy Public Prosecutor had been too busy for me for the most part of the year.
Adeline: So what have you been up to?
Sunita tells her
Adeline : [speechless]

Then we all try to one-up ourselves by giving Adam cool gifts. But someone cheated and brought TWO gifts. It was declared a foul and we all threw in the towel. Anyways Adam bought himself the coolest gift - a computer game console shaped like a guitar or some such thing (hey I never pretended to be tech-savvy)

The fallen Star

We were soon joined by Ira, Peter and Pamela and proceeded to the highlight of the evening - Stardust!

Yup, they had finally made Neil Gaiman's Stardust into a movie! I had been waiting for months for it (it was released in the US in August) and was counting the days until November when Adam messaged - I got tickets for the preview!

It was a pretty good movie. I loved Claire Danes as the star, Yvaine and Charlie Cox was excellent as Tristran. You could literally see him grow and mature as a person from minute to minute. Robert de Niro was hilarious, but as Saad said - Michelle Pfeiffer OWNED the movie.

Even the changes they made in the story were not too bad (Robert de Niro's gay pirate was hilarious), although I could have done without the final "battle" scene.

Also, I much preferred the meeting between Yvaine and "Lamia" in the book, where "Lamia" has no heart left to cut out because Yvaine had given hers to a "boy", freely and willingly even though (as "Lamia" advises her) he is bound to "break it or waste it or lose it- they all do".

I must admit, though, that I hated the part when they "fall in love". It was sweeter and more believably played out in the book.

Both Ira and I preferrred the ending in the movie though - such suckers we are for happy endings :-p

The night ended with us happily embarassing Adam by singing Happy Birthday at the stroke of midnight. Welcome to the Over-the-Hill club Adam, all dues are to be paid to our now proper (previously honorary) president, Ashwin.

I read somewhere that Neil Gaiman had said in an interview that he wanted people to like the movie but he still kinda hoped people would prefer the book.

I just want to say to Neil - I really liked the movie but I much preferred the book :-p

One of Charles Vess' original drawings for the book